


平静を保ち、ステイ・クール（Keep Calm and Stay Cool）

by xLightningToki



Series: Post-SAO Chronicles (a.k.a. Eugeo’s post-canon adventures) [3]
Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Comedy, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Post-Canon, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 13:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18550774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLightningToki/pseuds/xLightningToki
Summary: Anyway, Eugeo saw that Kirito had not yet arrived, and briefly mused about Kirito’s GGO avatar. Certainly he wouldn’t look like those scary, burly men and have nasty facial scars, would he?The blond scoffed to himself and shook his head. No way would that be possible; he and Kirito were notorious for having androgynous faces. As his neck swayed, a lock of tow-colored hair that cascaded down to his collarbone entered his vision.…Wait a minute.※※※In which Eugeo is introduced to GGO, chaos ensues, and Sinon is absolutely done with this nonsense.





	平静を保ち、ステイ・クール（Keep Calm and Stay Cool）

**Author's Note:**

> “It’ll be okay, Eugeo! This isn’t the end of the world, so for right now, just keep calm and _stay cool_.”
> 
> “After all that is going on right now, there’s no way that I’m just going to sit here and _stay cool_! Jeez!”
> 
> ※※※
> 
> Remember when I said that I thought that it would be funny if Eugeo saw Kirito’s GGO avatar? Therefore, I wrote a story about Eugeo in GGO, and guess how well that turned out.
> 
> Also, happy belated birthday, Leafa!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don’t own _Sword Art Online_ or any of its elements whatsoever, just this story.  
> ※Please do not reprint without my permission.※

Weeks had passed since Eugeo initially arrived in the real world, having befriended most of Kirito’s friends and classmates. He had been integrated quite easily into Kirito’s school despite being an artificial intelligence in a robotic body, thanks to his amicable nature and his eagerness to learn about real world culture.

　　Recently, during a meeting amongst Kirito’s friends in ALfheim Online, Sinon suggested that Eugeo should check out Gun Gale Online, a VRMMORPG that Sinon primarily used. Eugeo remembered that Sinon had once mentioned the game during his first meeting with her, in which she had said that he would find something “interesting” if he decided to log in. Her comment had incited a strange reaction from Kirito, and Eugeo had become intrigued ever since. His curiosity had further peaked upon learning that Alice had already started using the game.

　　“It’s okay if you end up not enjoying the game,” Sinon added gently. “We just wanted to let you know that some of us use it to hang out from time to time.”

　　“Some of us?” Eugeo repeated.

　　Leafa raised her hand. “Oh, I don’t really spend time in GGO,” she admitted. “I prefer fantasy games over gun games, to be honest. Big Brother sometimes plays GGO, though, so you may as well check it out and see what it’s like.”

　　“I see…” So Kirito _did_  play GGO. Then what was that reaction from earlier all about?

　　Anyhow, Eugeo decided that he would at least take a peek at the game, and so the next day, Kirito helped Eugeo set up an account. Since it was the weekend, Kirito, Eugeo, Asuna, Alice, Sinon, Lisbeth, Silica and Klein decided to log in together that afternoon.

　　As GGO’s time was synchronized with real world time, Eugeo first noticed that the sky was gloomy despite being one o’clock in the afternoon. His eyes were greeted with the sights of metallic high-rises and midair walkways. Most of the players were tough-looking men wielding guns—the complete opposite of him and Kirito, who both possessed gentle features and preferred swords.

　　He then caught a glimpse of some of his teammates. Klein wore primarily dark gear while Lisbeth (who sported a red cap) and Silica had matching military green dresses. Sinon wore a white scarf around her neck along with rather revealing armor. (Given that no one bothered to glance at her, Eugeo inferred that Sinon was too menacing to be provoked.) Unlike everyone else, Asuna (who wore a white and red dress and whose hair was worn up) and Alice had photon swords instead of guns attached to their belts. Alice had mentioned using a rifle as a secondary weapon, but she favored using her sword.

　　Eugeo couldn’t help but admire Alice’s costume, which consisted of a white coatdress with golden lines and buttons, paired with a white cap. It made her seem so lovely and regal, like a modern princess.

 _That’s Alice for you,_  the flaxen-haired boy thought approvingly. _She’d look beautiful in practically anything._  Oddly, he also noted that for some reason, his line of sight perfectly aligned with Alice’s face rather than above it, but he dismissed this as a hallucination. Maybe the cap on Alice’s head made her appear taller.

　　Anyway, Eugeo saw that Kirito had not yet arrived, and briefly mused about Kirito’s GGO avatar. Certainly he wouldn’t look like those scary, burly men and have nasty facial scars, would he?

　　The blond scoffed to himself and shook his head. No way would that be possible; he and Kirito were notorious for having androgynous faces. As his neck swayed, a lock of tow-colored hair that cascaded down to his collarbone entered his vision.

　　…Wait a minute.

　　He whipped around to look at a dome built of reflective glass, and then his eyes widened at his image.

　　Asuna and Alice were briefly discussing quests when they suddenly heard an unholy screech coming from behind.

　　“WAAAUGH!!!”

　　The two girls jerked, immediately recognizing Eugeo’s voice. Turning their heads to see what was the matter, they (and the rest of their teammates) did a massive double-take as Eugeo gawked and plastered his hands on the glass.

　　Clad in military fatigues, he was definitely shorter than in real life, and much more slender. His flaxen hair flowed smoothly down to his back and curled at the tips. His skin was as pale as snow, and his lips were as red as roses. His eyes, which were framed by long eyelashes, sparkled like sea glass.

　　“Holy…” said Klein, his jaw gaping.

　　“…Cow,” Lisbeth finished, covering her mouth to muffle her giggles as Silica watched in a baffled trance. Asuna and Alice were tittering quietly in the corner. As for the cat-eyed girl…

　　“You have _got_  to be kidding me…” she deadpanned.

　　Come on, seriously? First Kirito, and now _him_? What was this, Opposite Day? Or did the universe just hate her that much?

　　Similar thoughts were running through Eugeo’s head, in which the boy seemed ready to cry. Did he really look so feminine that the game system mistook him for a _female_?

　　Wait… If that were the case, then Kirito—

　　“Wow! Is that an F-1300 line avatar, miss? You hardly find that anywhere here!”

　　A _what_? Was this guy misguided?

　　Eugeo lurched violently before turning to find the owner of that gruff voice. _Miss?!_  he thought incredulously.

　　Standing before him was a grown man with a wrinkled face and black goggles. He hovered in front of Eugeo ( _way_  too closely for comfort), and persisted excitedly, “Say, since you just started, feel like selling your account? I’ll give you two mega-credits!”

　　…For some reason, Eugeo had a severe case of _déjà vu_ , even though he had never even met this guy.

　　But hold on; that man called him “Miss”!

　　In a fit of panic, the teenager hastily patted his chest, and was relieved to find it flat and rock solid. Thankfully, the system hadn’t completely misinterpreted his gender, but it decided to give him a less-than-appealing avatar.

　　Eugeo considered filing a complaint.

　　“…Um, I’m sorry, but…I’m actually a guy.” To his disappointment, even his voice had a higher pitch.

　　The man gawked at him for a couple of seconds before he found his tongue again.

　　“Then…you’re an M-9000 series?!” Seriously, what _was_  that? “Oh, man, that’s amazing! I’ll give you five mega-credits if you sell it! Please, sell it to me!”

　　What was with this guy and money?!

　　Unfortunately, Eugeo couldn’t give away this account even if he wanted to.

　　“…Actually, this is a converted account, so I’m afraid that I can’t sell it for money. Sorry.”

　　“Oh… I see…”

　　After making small talk with the stranger, the latter finally left, sending a regretful, longing look at Eugeo’s avatar before parting ways. Once the man was out of sight, Eugeo released a long-held sigh and slid dejectedly to the floor. His friends gazed at him with mixed expressions of amusement and pity. He blanched once grasping that Alice must have also seen his new avatar, and so he covered his face with his hands, his cheeks burning.

　　Was this what Sinon meant by finding something interesting in GGO? Eugeo peeked from the gaps between his fingers to look at Sinon, only to find her glaring at him with narrowed feline eyes. _I guess that was not what she meant,_  he concluded while sweating.

　　He helped himself to his feet, hearing the light taps of feet heading towards his direction. Then a clear, slightly husky voice penetrated his ears.

　　“Sorry that I’m late, everyone! I had to use the bathroom before logging in.”

　　The mysterious person stopped right in front of Eugeo, who lifted his head. Upon gazing at the player before him, Eugeo lost all breath.

　　The player was an adolescent of the same age and height, with glossy, silky black hair spilling down from the head. The eyes were large and a glittering dark violet. The skin was pale, and yet the cheeks were rosy. The teenager wore a long black coat with a silver chest plate, black pants and boots. A photon sword and a handgun were attached to the coat’s belt.

　　Eugeo kept silent for several seconds, his voice box unable to produce a noise. Eventually, he caught ahold of himself and murmured, “Who are you?”

　　“I could ask you the same thing,” the stranger replied, raising a fine eyebrow. “Who are _you_?”

　　Eugeo squinted at the teen, focusing on the sharp shape of those dusky eyes. Almost no one else that he knew had such eyes, but only…

　　Oh, wait. Oh, no, no, no; this _couldn’t_  be happening.

　　He thrust a finger at the person’s face, gasping, “Kirito?!”

　　Said youth had the exact same reaction, wheezing, “Eugeo?!”

　　Far away from the outburst, their friends flinched as the boys’ wails caused birds to flee noisily into the sky.

* * *

“I can’t believe this…”

　　Eugeo groaned forcefully as he sat on a bench next to Kirito, his head buried in his hands. Kirito, in the meantime, was casually sipping his drink from an aluminum can and glancing at his best friend from the corners of his eyes.

　　After the boys had nearly suffered from panic attacks upon seeing each other’s avatars, the entire group had dragged Eugeo to several shops to purchase clothes and gear. Unsurprisingly, Eugeo had chosen a blue photon sword after testing out its skills.

　　“It’s much lighter than what I’m accustomed to,” he had admitted, “but it’ll do.”

　　He had bought a sleek black rifle as a secondary weapon, so Sinon later helped him learn how to use it properly. It took him about half an hour to finally shoot straight at a target, and yet he, like Kirito and Asuna and Alice, had no problem repelling bullets with his sword.

　　“I don’t get it,” Lisbeth had commented exasperatedly from the corner. “What is it with you swordsmen and your talent at deflecting mid-air artillery?”

　　Currently, Eugeo donned a white dress shirt with a red necktie, a blue army jacket whose top buttons were left open, white gloves, a pair of boots and light gray pants. It was an admittedly masculine outfit, but if people took notice of his face, they would still have qualms, and Eugeo would continue to be known as one of the two GGO players who had unidentifiable avatars somewhere between girl and boy.

　　It didn’t help that some men had already tried to flirt with him. Luckily, his female friends (and Kirito) had given the men some tremendously looming glowers and growls, obliging the men to back off. Be that as it may, the pure irony…

　　“Close your legs, Eugeo-kun,” Kirito teased from Eugeo’s right as he tossed his empty can into a nearby trash bin. Eugeo so happened to be leaning forward while sitting, leaving his legs spread open—an extremely unladylike posture.

　　Eugeo punched Kirito’s shoulder without raising his head and groaned again. He disregarded Kirito’s exaggerated hisses of pain.

　　Drowning himself in his despondent thoughts, Eugeo barely heard Asuna’s footsteps approach him from behind, and the pretty brunette began to rub his right shoulder soothingly.

　　“Don’t look so down, Eugeo-kun,” she said, flashing him a smile that would melt chocolate. “I think you look cute this way. I’m sure that most girls would even envy you.”

　　“Asuna-san…” Eugeo lifted his head and couldn’t help but flush faintly. Was he really that cute? He had never bothered to think about his physical appearance up until this point, nor had he believed that anyone would fall in love with him… That is, until he met Tiese.

　　Hopefully she was doing well. She was reborn, of course, but said reincarnation still had the same soul, so…

　　“I agree,” Alice chimed in, interrupting Eugeo’s meditations and placing a firm hand on his left shoulder. “Personally, I believe that Eugeo is quite attractive, girl or otherwise.”

　　“Alice…” The boy’s eyes watered slightly. To think that he would receive such a compliment from this esteemed Integrity Knight… It was quite an honor.

　　He turned to Kirito, who grinned at him confidently. Eugeo grinned back, a relieved chuckle escaping his throat.

　　“Still…” Lisbeth trailed off, catching everyone’s attention. “I’m surprised that the game system managed to make the same mistake twice. Kirito already got in trouble with Sinon just for being that unlucky.”

　　Kirito and Sinon swished their heads away from each other awkwardly, recalling that one incident in the dressing room. Sinon’s cheeks began to redden without warning.

　　“I don’t know…” Silica countered, staring at Eugeo’s silky locks feebly. “Eugeo-san’s hair is so pretty. I’m kind of jealous…”

　　“Now, now,” Eugeo laughed, trying to pacify the younger girl’s pouts.

　　“Well, it doesn’t make much of a difference,” said Kirito grandly, reaching towards Eugeo’s jacket. “In the end, Eugeo’s still a hundred percent male. I mean, if you looked under all of those layers, you’d see tons of muscle—”

　　“Try to open my jacket, and I will _slap_  you,” Eugeo suddenly hissed, green eyes glittering and baring his molars at the ebony-haired male.

　　“R-right.” Kirito lifted his hands up and scooted away. The girls also glanced warily at the flaxen-haired teenager, who had already lifted his palm as if preparing to strike his friend right there.

_That was scary._

　　Klein, however, clearly couldn’t read the mood.

　　“You may say that, Kirito, but our friend Eugeo here has quite the cute face! Who knows? Maybe I can actually have him for myself—”

_Excuse me?!_

　　The air became icy cold by the girls’ chilling glares.

　　Eugeo released a strangled noise that sounded like the moans of an injured whale, and he attempted to scurry away from the redhead. Unfortunately, he was sitting on a bench with no back, so if he weren’t careful enough, he would topple over.

　　This time, Kirito was on the defensive. Upon hearing Klein’s remark, the black-haired boy’s boot swiftly collided with Klein’s bewhiskered chin.

 _KA-POW!_  The sound of the impact reverberated across the street.

　　Kirito then cleared his throat (all the while ignoring Klein’s pitiful wails) and stretched a gloved hand towards Eugeo. “Well, then, partner. Let’s go grab something to eat, shall we? You’re probably hungry from all of that walking.”

　　What a way to change the subject. But no one seemed to mind, for the girls had already started to hit the road, with Klein shuffling behind in their wake.

　　Eugeo grabbed Kirito’s hand, eyes crinkling with mirth. “Sure, let’s go.”

* * *

Eugeo thought that his dilemma with his feminine avatar would end upon arriving at the cafeteria.

 _Boy_ , was he wrong.

　　He should have expected the cafeteria to be filled with adult male players. Then again, no one would expect a large group of female players to simply saunter in without guns at the ready.

　　However, Kirito’s friends were probably recognizable at this point, for no one dared to approach them. Also, Kirito and Klein would have threatened anyone who even _tried_  to talk with the girls, so the latters were practically safe.

　　But would the same concept work for a newbie?

　　The gang had split into two units—Kirito and Eugeo were responsible for finding a table while the rest departed to buy food. For the time being, the two boys were subject to countless gawks and whispers from the other customers.

　　“Oh, gosh, is that Kirito-chan?”

　　“The crazy swordswoman who can deflect bullets from midair? I’m such a fan!”

　　“Who’s that chick next to her? She’s super cute!”

　　“Is she a swordswoman, too?”

　　Eugeo wanted to become one with the floor. What a colossal misunderstanding this was! Kirito had never revealed his true gender to the other players, and this lack of information had caused everything to spiral out of control. Maybe no one would believe Kirito if he even tried to explain his situation. Despite all of that…

　　“Kirito, you never told those guys who you really are?” Eugeo’s soft voice rustled in Kirito’s ear.

　　“Nah, they would never believe me.” Kirito shrugged. “Besides, it’s kind of funny whenever they cheer for me during tournaments.”

　　“Cheer for you?!” Did Kirito really enjoy basking under all of that attention?

　　“Not so loud, Eugeo-kun. Look, they’re coming over.”

　　Eugeo held back a whimper as he confirmed that a small collection of men had gotten up from their seats to talk to the duo. Kirito, on the other hand, wore his usual poised expression while one of the men found the guts to initiate a conversation.

　　“Um, Kirito-san, who is that girl next to you? Is she a friend of yours?”

　　Why was this happening?! They still didn’t know that Eugeo was indeed a boy!

　　Kirito took little notice of Eugeo’s state of panic and wrapped an arm around the fair-haired boy’s shoulders. “Yup! This guy is my best friend and partner, Eugeo! Say ‘hi’, Eugeo!”

_Like heck I would do that!_

　　The man was completely unaware that Eugeo was wringing his fingers wildly, and only continued, “Eugeo-chan, huh? I don’t suppose that she wields a sword, too?”

　　Eugeo struggled to break free from Kirito’s grasp as the black-haired beauty affirmed the man’s statement. To his chagrin, the two still carried on talking, and the surrounding men kept on asking questions.

　　“Kirito-san and Eugeo-chan seem really close, don’t they?”

_Stop!_

　　“What does Kirito-san like about Eugeo-chan?”

_Kyaaah!_

　　“Is Eugeo-chan really skilled at the sword as well?”

_Gyaaah!_

　　“Please tell me!”

_Please spare me!_

　　If Kirito had even noticed Eugeo’s emotional crisis for one second, he chose to dismiss it. “Now, now! With all of these questions, I don’t think Eugeo can answer them all! But we might be going on a mission soon, so please cheer for us until then!” He lifted his hand in a playful salute and giggled for emphasis, “Tee-hee!”

_Tee-hee?!_

　　Immediately, the men’s faces flushed red, and everyone began bombarding the boys with wishes of encouragement and success. As Kirito relished in the praise (how shameless, Eugeo assumed), the flaxen-haired boy could do nothing but wave shyly.

 _I’m so going to beat up Kirito after this…_ he thought miserably.

　　Meanwhile, his friends had gotten tired of waiting for Kirito and had already found a table for themselves. Sinon stared at the rambunctious scene before her with crossed arms, her eyes narrowed as if she were contemplating on how to pounce on the boys without them noticing.

　　“What the heck are they doing…?” she muttered to herself.

* * *

The first thing that Eugeo did after finishing his snack was scampering out of the cafeteria into the open air. Luckily for him, not many people were walking on the streets at this hour, instead traveling by car or train.

　　The girls and Klein excused themselves so that they could go shopping (for what reason, Eugeo didn’t want to know; the girls’ stifled giggles already insinuated some skeptical plan in their part), thus leaving the two boys alone.

　　Eugeo wrinkled his nose after smelling vehicle exhaust and peering at the dingy, cloudy sky. With all due respect, the environments of Underworld and the real world were more scenic and lively than the one in GGO, with bluer skies and plenty of wildlife. Heck, even ALO was lovelier regardless of the lower image resolution, and indubitably less…polluted.

　　Nonetheless, there were no interesting stores in sight, so the boys were simply left to their own devices. Eugeo frowned as he stared into empty space. “There really isn’t much to do here, isn’t there?” he observed quietly.

　　Kirito hummed in agreement, his eyes flitting across his surroundings. At this rate, they would just stand there idly until their friends returned, and considering how much time young women typically spent on shopping (no offense), it would take a while.

　　Then his eyes finally caught sight of something interesting, and Kirito’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

　　Several meters away on his right were numerous buggies occupying a parking area. Next to them was a panel that featured a glittering neon sign reading “RENT-A-BUGGY!” in bold font. Kirito was instantly reminded of his preliminary meeting with Sinon, in which they had used a buggy to reach the regent’s office and register for the Bullet of Bullets tournament.

　　“That’s it!”

　　Kirito grabbed Eugeo’s hand (eliciting a startled squeal to escape from its owner) and dragged the blond to one of the buggies. Slapping his hand onto the meter, Kirito pushed Eugeo onto the rear step of the buggy and jumped into the driver’s seat.

　　“Wait, Kirito! What is going on?” Eugeo managed to gasp as he clutched onto his seat. Then he searched around and added, “And why aren’t there any seatbelts?”

　　Kirito cranked his head and flashed his partner a bright smile, exposing his pearly whites. “We’re going on a drive!” he answered easily, squeezing the handlebars and hitting the throttle on instinct due to years of operating a motorcycle. A roar escaped from the gas engine as the buggy began to break forth.

　　“A what? Ah, hold on; we’re leaving _now_?”

　　“Hold on tight!”

　　“Now just wait one darn second; this thing doesn’t even have straps—aaah!”

　　A tiny shriek tore through Eugeo’s throat as he hurriedly wrapped his arms around Kirito’s torso. The buggy zoomed forward in an overwhelming hundred kilometers per hour, shedding a trail of dust and coercing the boys’ lengthy tresses to be blown freely behind them. Eugeo’s grip only tightened after Kirito had swerved around a couple of cars and buses.

　　Detecting the tension around his stomach, Kirito asked softly, “Are you all right?”

　　He didn’t expect a blithe laugh to resonate distinctly in his ears.

　　“Wow, this feels _great_!”

　　Eugeo was staring forward with a dazzled grin and glowing cheeks, moving his hands so that they gripped Kirito’s shoulders. “Hey, Kirito… Go… Go faster!”

　　Oh. So he liked it fast, too, huh? Well, if that was what he wanted, then he was going to get it.

　　Kirito smirked, suddenly feeling like a daredevil on the road. “Okay!”

　　Obeying Eugeo’s request, he kicked into top gear, and the engine screamed as the value on the speedometer gradually doubled. Kirito whooped, savoring this newly found ecstasy.

　　And Eugeo’s clear, sea green eyes gazed above, mesmerized by the blurs of skyscrapers and bridges as the buggy rocketed by. They sparkled vividly, almost as if millions of miniature stars were swimming inside them.

* * *

“Ah… That was so much fun!”

　　After spending nearly half an hour driving around the city in top speed like a bunch of hooligans, Eugeo and Kirito finally parked their buggy and were on their way to reunite with Asuna and the others. Currently, they were gushing about all of the sights from their mini road trip, ranging from modern train stations to motorcycles, from towering skyscrapers to little shacks, and from humble restaurants to photon sword shops.

　　Kirito thrust a fist upward, teeth gleaming. “Yeah. I didn’t know that you liked danger that much. Big Bro is really shocked.”

　　“Right? Neither did I! Oh, there’s Alice!”

　　Lo and behold was Alice in front of the cafeteria entrance, her hands on her hips as her golden braids swayed gently in the breeze. Asuna and the others stood behind her, carrying shopping bags of various sizes.

　　…Just how many things did they purchase while the boys were gone?

　　“Welcome back, boys,” Alice greeted in her usual formal tone. Then, a bit reproachfully, “Where have you two been?”

　　Ah. So they weren’t on time?

　　“Out on a drive,” Kirito replied briefly, already mentally prepared for some severe scolding by the knight. Then Eugeo beat him to the bush, rushing to the space between him and the girl to prevent a fight from breaking out.

　　“Don’t worry, Alice; we were perfectly fine!” he chirped. “You should’ve been there; it was such a blast!”

　　Seeing him that happy reminded Alice of puppies. Was he always like that in the past as well? It was at those times in which Alice truly wished to remember her days at Rulid.

　　Her frown softened marginally on hearing Eugeo’s exhilaration, and she settled on sighing in response. “Hah… Looks like I missed out, then.”

　　“Next time, the three of us can go together.”

　　“Sounds like a plan.”

　　As soon as Alice finished her sentence, Asuna stepped forward, hauling three bags in her arms. Eugeo briefly wondered how such a seemingly fragile girl could carry so much weight. Conversely, it would be an acute error to underestimate the berserk healer. “Welcome back, Kirito-kun, Eugeo-kun,” she greeted merrily.

　　“We’re back,” Kirito returned automatically before scrutinizing the bags’ contents. “What did you guys even buy? It looks like a ton.”

　　“Ah, ha, ha… About that, you might want to see for yourself…”

　　…Why did she trail off all of a sudden?

　　But curiosity always killed the cat, so Kirito and Eugeo leaned forward and opened the bags with their fingertips, and were soon greeted by elements that many boys would find in their personal horror movie.

　　Inside were piles of frilly dresses, aprons, skirts and ribbons. Some of the outfits included artificial wedding gowns, maid attires and frocks for magical girls. For some reason that Kirito feared of knowing, most of the garbs were either violet or light blue.

　　…Wait.

　　“…Hey, Asuna,” he said, his straight bangs covering his eyes.

　　“Hm?”

　　“What in the world is the meaning of this?”

　　Asuna tried (and failed) to suppress a grimace.  _Bingo._

　　“Um…” Her cheeks were tinted a light rose as she flung her hands adorably. “You might want to ask the others.”

　　As soon as she said the words “the others”, she pointed an accusing finger at Lisbeth, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Eugeo stepped back with a pale face, and Kirito impulsively raised a protective arm in front of his friend.

　　Kirito wished that he were wearing earmuffs right as Lisbeth opened her mouth to speak.

　　“ _Well…_ ” she drawled, her eyes focused on anywhere that was not Kirito. “We figured that since you guys look so much like girls, it wouldn’t hurt if we asked you to try on something cute!”

　　Uh, huh. She was clearly implying on playing dress-up, even at this day and age.

_Gosh, will this madness ever end?!_

　　“For the record, I never came up with this idea,” Alice said in a monotone voice. Eugeo merely grumbled to himself, wondering if he should take her words to heart.

　　Kirito’s lips curled in a jeer as he limply pointed at the heaps of clothing. The sheer thought of him and Eugeo wearing those in front of their friends nearly made his face boil. “We are _not_  wearing those things.” Based on the sharpness of his voice, that did not sound like a request.

　　“ _Eh?_ ” Silica asked (having not spoken for a long time), her face drooping. “Not even this, Eugeo-san?” She lifted a long blue garment from the bag that she was carrying. Looking more closely, it was a cape the shade of Eugeo’s coat from Underworld, with a button-down collar to boot.

　　…On second thought, that would match very nicely with Eugeo’s jacket.

　　The boy exhaled profoundly. “…Everything except that, but only that.”

　　The youngest girl cheered, lifting a leg and pumping a fist into the air. Perhaps _she_  was the one who bought the cape? Though, to be frank, it would look more tasteful if Eugeo’s avatar were based on his appearance in real life.

　　“So you’ll wear it?!” Lisbeth shouted, her eyes twinkling like gems. Eugeo briefly reflected on calling security and refused to answer her.

　　Kirito scoffed and flapped a hand at her. “Oh, please! There’s no way that we’re going to do _any_  of this unless we do it together!”

　　“Yeah!” Klein interjected. “After all, we can’t make Eugeo dress up on his own—” His face paled considerably and his jaw dropped as he screamed, “WHAT’S WITH THE EVIL GRIN?!”

　　Ah. Apparently, Eugeo was shooting a menacing sneer at his best friend, his eyes dimming as if he were trying to say, “If I die, I’m taking you with me.”

　　That kid was more sadistic than Klein had originally thought. Did Kirito influence Eugeo so much that evil thoughts would occasionally spring into the quieter boy’s head?

　　Klein didn’t need to ponder much further, for Lisbeth grabbed Kirito and Eugeo’s arms and began making her way to the nearest changing rooms (which should be just around the regent’s office). “That makes the two of you, then! Off you _go_!”

　　“Eh, wait! We’re changing right _now_?” Eugeo’s words were cut off as the pink-haired girl dragged them away from earshot, their friends straggling behind.

　　Shortly, Klein was greeted with pure silence, save for the chitchat from passers-by.

　　For once, the red-haired man was so glad not be in those boys’ shoes. Handsome people had it rough, hadn’t they?

* * *

“Hah…”

　　Eugeo sighed as he stood before the mirror in his dressing room. Right after Lisbeth had located these rooms, she had pushed Kirito and Eugeo into separate stalls and insisted that they at least try on one piece of clothing. For Eugeo, it was the cape that Silica had carefully chosen for him.

　　He had taken off his jacket and shirt, exposing his lean chest and small torso. He had wondered if his body had physically reformed upon logging into GGO, and was disappointed to find how slender and pastel he had become. At this rate, he could understand why strangers would mistake him for a female. It was rather unsettling, to say the least.

　　Slim fingers tentatively touched his stomach, which was rimmed with muscle. In any case, _that_  hadn’t changed.

　　“Ugh…”

　　He lowered his head, eyebrows furrowing. He knew that he already looked relatively delicate in real life, but this was too much! What would people think of him if he arrayed himself in a dress? Would anyone even recognize him?

　　He was so preoccupied in his thoughts that he almost didn’t notice Kirito flipping open the door and shouting, “Hey, Eugeo! What’s taking you so long? I’ve already finished changing, so you better come out, too… Uh… Huh?”

　　Hearing the black-haired boy’s grow faint, Eugeo flung his arms around his chest and veered.

　　Kirito and Klein were staring gobsmacked at the doorway, the former wearing an alternate version of his usual costume, with teal accents, puffed sleeves, half of a chiffon on his right leg and a shorter casing on his left leg.

 _How pretty._  Eugeo couldn’t help but admire the outfit (of course Kirito could pull that off), but then he gathered himself. That wasn’t the point of their visit.

　　What was disconcerting was that Kirito and Klein’s eyes were goggling at his stomach.

　　Oh. Oh, no. Oh, gosh, why weren’t their eyes _moving_?

　　Eugeo’s face turned beet red, and steam began to puff out of his ears. To think that they would see him in such an undignified state…!

　　“What… WHERE THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE STARING AT, YOU _IDIOTS_?!”

_PAH!_

　　Kirito noticed a flash of white enter his sight, and then a sheer burst of pain exploded from his left cheek. It wasn’t until he and Klein collapsed on the frosty floor did he realize that it had been Eugeo’s palm.

　　The sound of the impact echoed across the sky.

* * *

“I can’t believe that you actually _slapped_  us…”

　　“Well, you and Klein-san shouldn’t have barged in like that. Seriously, didn’t _anyone_  teach you how to knock?”

　　“Um,  _no_ …”

　　“That was a rhetorical question; shut your mouth.”

　　Kirito and Eugeo were walking side by side on the street, the former rubbing his cheek, which had a large, red, hand-shaped imprint on it. Eugeo was sulking off to the side, his cheeks flaming.

　　When she learned about the chaotic incident in the changing room, Lisbeth had decided to halt her little game and persuaded everyone (without much effort) to move onto a new quest, which would begin in a few minutes. Right now, they were heading to a clearing in the middle of the city, where they would battle against another team of players.

　　Eugeo ultimately relented and sighed. “That outfit really suited you, though…”

　　“That cape looked really cool on you, too…”

　　“Hm… I think it would look better in real life. Do you think that I could make an alternative account and see if it works out?”

　　“I guess… But then I’ll make one, too. I’m kind of getting tired of being treated like this; how about you?”

　　“Mm…”

　　They gazed at each other for a few seconds before chuckling to themselves. By the end of their conversation, Kirito’s cheek had healed, leaving no hint of any previous onslaught. The proverb “let bygones be bygones” seemed to have applied to this situation.

　　Reflecting on the massive amount of craziness that occurred today, Eugeo resolved to take a nap right after he completed this quest and logged out. He didn’t even know how he managed to survive the entire afternoon without leaving the game.

　　Then Kirito placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered, “The mission is about to start. We’re going to split up.”

　　“Ah, right.”

　　Sinon, Lisbeth, Silica and Klein dashed into some nearby skyscrapers. Their plan was to attack the enemy from above using their guns. Kirito, Eugeo, Asuna and Alice would face the enemy head-on with their swords. It was a strategy in which the group was split into two squads—one attacking from long range, and another from short range.

　　Eugeo could spot from far away a small team of men heading their direction. Lips twisting upward, he unsheathed his sword, its laser-like blade crackling like electricity.

　　Sinon and her crew had already settled onto floors well above the arena. Eugeo’s band had lined up as a front, with Asuna on the right, followed by Kirito, Eugeo and Alice on the left, respectively.

　　Both opposing sides raised their weapons. Kirito grinned like a maniac, clapping Eugeo’s shoulder and shouting, “All right. Let’s do this, everyone!”

　　“Yeah!” Eugeo heard his friends cheer in unison, and he smiled to himself, sensing Kirito’s warmth beside him.

_…That’s right. I want to stay by Kirito’s side and fight with him forever._

　　Guns blazing and swords slashing, the four duelers let out war cries and charged into the battlefield.

**Author's Note:**

> Shortly after logging out…
> 
> “…Hey, Kirito.”
> 
> “Hm?”
> 
> “You know, after that quest just now…”
> 
> “Mm-hm?”
> 
> “The guys that we defeated…”
> 
> “Yeah?”
> 
> “…They tried to flirt with us.”
> 
> “……”
> 
> “…I’m getting tired of this rubbish. Can I just give up my account and let you deal with these problems by yourself from now on?”
> 
> “Heck, no.”
> 
> ※※※
> 
> …What have I _done_?
> 
> I can’t believe that I actually wrote this atrocity, but I wanted to bring some fluffy moments to Kirito and Eugeo. And poor Sinon… Her plan backfired _hard_.


End file.
